One Child, Two Mothers
One mother who waits, and wonders, anticipating how this New One will fit into the rhythm of her family. She is bound in hope, and love, and tenderness for this new child. They will live together in the here now and also in the promise of the future.
Another mother whose bonds of love for this child is filled with pain and such immense grief none of us could bear to understand.
From one mother to another mother — God bless your soul, there are no other words.
One child, Two Mothers
One Redeemer who holds us all in His Hands
Waiting for Ellie was a hard, frustrating phase of our life. For us adoption became the way to extend our family after experiencing and coming to terms with infertility. We were told when we started that we should be home with our child within 12 months. Then China slowed down- everyone in the adoption world has watched this program slow to a snails pace over the past few years. All told, we were home with Ellie Grace in 22 months. Many more have waited much longer- but we did our time. Of course, all the pain and wondering and worry has faded away as we are very much enjoying this child who emerged from her bedroom this morning having already donned her princess outfit for the day. Today she is Fuchsia Princess in a velour pink and sparkle-y dress that used to be her sisters’.
During the “paperwork portion” of the adoption process for Treasure I have been guarding my heart against the frustration of the “wait”. I have stated that while I want a third child, but am perfectly happy with my two. My days are full and they bring me much joy and satisfaction (and exhaustion and laundry). I often say that while I needed Ellie Grace, I want Treasure.
I can feel that those protective layers peeling away as I am fantasizing about this new little one a lot more. I dreamed about the two little ones last night (Ellie and Treasure) running around, playing together. I literally awoke this morning with a smile on my face.
just this morning that I thought our dossier was in Ethiopia and we just hadn’t heard. I was right! An hour or so later an email came in from our adoption specialist letting me know that our dossier left Grand Rapids on October 24!
I rushed downstairs to tell him and found him doing a webex presentation for potential clients (he works from home). I quickly and quietly scribbled the note and tiptoed out the door – hoping he had could read the note and understand my intrusion.
Our dossier has been in D.C. for several weeks now being authenticated and registered at various agencies. I understand that going through these paces up front will diminish the hassle in the completion of the adoption and naturalization at the other end of the adoption process.
I don’t know, but I am just ready to get that paperwork overseas and sitting in a pile on someone’s desk who will match us with our new treasure.
BTW, we had a nickname for Ellie before we named her. It was Jelly, but there is a long story behind it that I won’t go into. So, we decided to nickname New Baby while we are waiting to find out its gender and Amharic name and make our final decision. While discussing this, Ellie suggested the nickname to be, “Ellie Grace” or “Rocky Horse”. We settle on Treasure.
Our immigration petition is on its way to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa. It will be there waiting for us until we arrive with New Baby to be interviewed in order to finalize his/her US citizenship and immigration to the US.
Our dossier is in Washington DC making its rounds to the US Dept. of State and the Ethiopian Embassy. As soon as it had made its way around DC, it will be forwarded on to Ethiopia, translated and registered with the Ministry of Women’s Affairs who will oversee our case in cooperation with Milkiyas, Bethany’s representative in Ethiopia, and God’s operative on earth.
Click, click, click – I think I can actually hear the wheels turning.
Today, Ellie told me that she is a big sister now. I want to record this date because there were some very powerful, very supernatural things that happened while we were waiting for Ellie that later made complete sense when we compared her waiting time line with ours.
I am thankful for the peaceful waiting for this child. Now, I am going to go fix a cup of tea and snuggle up with my blankie.
Selah
…is on its way! It arrived in Grand Rapids today. We also received our Ethiopia travel packet. This is a very exciting item as it outlines the trip to Ethiopia to adopt our new child. There is information about the culture, its history, what to pack, when we will visit with the child, when we will receive custody, hotel information, language translations, etc. I think of it as the Fodor’s of Bethany’s adoptions. I think I had the thing memorized when we were waiting for Ellie. I might have quoted it a few times while we were in China. I might have made my husband a little crazy with it. I probably will again.
Our dossier is ready to go to Ethiopia except for one little piece of paper. The approval from Homeland Security to immigrate an orphan. We were fingerprinted on Sept. 2. We received a request for more evidence about our homestudy less than two weeks after that. We responded within a week – thanks to our excellent adoption specialist. Now, a week later, I am singing, “Where, oh, where could my approval be? Oh, where, oh where could it be?”
Today, I was certain it would be in that pile of mail that always appears in my mailbox. I was so sure. Of course, I was certain yesterday, too.
I read a post on another “expectant” adoptive family’s blog that got me thinking…Actually, her words made me think I am not totally looney – or as looney as I sometimes fear.
The mother was discussing having a physical reaction/link when we have children biologically versus not having one through adoption. She said, “My theory is that this is how God can connect us with each other. How I can already feel a real connection to my child that is living in Ethiopia. I don’t feel any kicking though…”
My Confession: I sleep with a blankie. It is cute – fuzzy brown, and soft green with darling polka dots. My requirement was that it be gender neutral since we don’t know if New Baby will be male or female. It is the first thing I purchased for this new child.
It all started when we were waiting for Ellie Grace. I read that to foster bonding with a baby, you should sleep with a blanket or some such article and then provide it to the baby when they are sleeping. The familiarity of your scent would help in the bonding process. So, I slept with a flower embroidered, lace-edged, white blanket while I waited and waited and waited for Ellie. Ellie came home and slept with that blanket. It didn’t become her favorite and I eventually hung it over her crib. It still hangs over her bed. It is one of my treasures.
Actually, when I think about, it really started when I was carrying Hannah. My favorite time of day was getting in bed with my big ole belly and watching her wake up and move as I settled in to rest. A woman can’t forget the feeling of waking in the middle of the night and rolling over in bed and thinking of the life inside of her.
So, no baby belly. But a mama who wakes in the middle of the night and has something tangible to hold while thinking of and praying for her new child.
